Church Humor

A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to at TV commercials and see if they could use them in 20 ways to communicate ideas about God.

God is like:
VO-5 HAIR SPRAY - He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is like:
DIAL SOAP - Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?

God is like:
The U.S. POST OFFICE - Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice
will keep Him from His appointed destination.

God is like:
BOUNTY - He is the quicker picker upper. Can handle the tough jobs. And He won't fall apart on you.

    Nobody goes to that restaurant; it's too crowded.
    Don't go near the water 'til you have learned to swim.
    The man who wrote such a stupid sentence can not write at all.
    If you get this message, call me, and if you don't get it, don't call.
    ADVERTISEMENT: Are you an analphabet? Write a letter and we will send you free of charge instructions
        how to undo it.

"Oh, God, I have a headache !!!"
or
"I hate having to stand in the corner !!!"
or
"I just want to go home. I have had enough of this zoo !!!"

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!'
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself o ff, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'

Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Joey seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Joey, what is the matter?' Little Joey responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.'

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing! Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh. I thought you would enjoy this....times are tough right now...for all of us....so we need something to make the day a happy place. "They" haven't found a way to tax you for laughing yet.

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's Roundtable was Sir Cumference. He acquired his shape from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from an Algebra class because it was a weapon of math destruction.
5. A grenade was thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
6. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Send mail to standrews@brightok.net with questions or comments about this web site. Copyright © 2009 Saint Andrew's Episcopal Church Last modified: 02/11/10

Send mail to standrews@brightok.net with questions or comments about this web site.
Copyright © 2009 Saint Andrew's Episcopal Church
Last modified: 02/11/10